Few miles away!

First night away from you. *sigh* It’s hard. I mean you are just few miles away, and only a few minutes passed and it’s this difficult.

I miss you. Very much. Everything reminds me of you. Just come back soon. You make everything so beautiful, you make life worth living. I love you! 

Differences!

I guess it’s time I give up on us. I guess it’s time for me to accept the fact that you will never be mine.  The fact that I was just another girl in your life. Just another toy you played with. What did I do to deserve this? What didn’t I do for you? What didn’t I sacrifice for you? What didn’t I risk for your happiness? What bad did I do? What harm did I do to both of you, that you two did this to me?

You didn’t like me using facebook, using the social networks, coz you thought it was just another door for me to talk to others, other boys. I stopped using them. I deactivated facebook. I deleted WeChat. Did I complain? Did I argue?  You didn’t like me talking to boys, my friends. Coz you felt insecure. I stopped talking to them. Did I complain? Did I talk to them behind your back? No I didn’t. I didn’t mind stopping all that, as long as you were happy with me.

What did you find in her that I didn’t have? why aren’t the rules same for  her, your “new girl”? She use facebook, most of her friends are boys. Have you seen her profile? Or is it that you trust her so much that you don’t even need to see it? She uploads pics with boys, yes boys like you. Most of her comments are of boys. Don’t you see them? Or is it are you acting blind? Or is it that it’s okay with you coz it’s her? The SPECIAL one eh? Don’t you feel insecure anymore? You couldn’t trust me, no matter what I did, or how much I tried. So now you can trust her? You feel secure with her? You think that she won’t betray you behind your back?

She snatched me from you. Trust me, she will do the same to you. She will be the same. You will see her snatching a lot. You will see her ruining a lot of lives. Mark my words, you will regret doing this to me. Yes I will cry, I will be this lonely, depressed girl. Isn’t that what you got tired of? She is that cheerful, mature special girl right? Don’t let her go. Atleast don’t do anything behind her back as you did to me.

I loved you. More than myself. I still do. Trusted you more than anyone in this world. And this is what you gave me back? What was my mistake? Loving you so much? Sacrificing my everything for you? Giving up everything for your happiness? Wishing nothing but the best in everything you do? Doing whatever you said without any complains?  :/

Waiting

When you remember me, and before you set me free,
Oh listen please,

Somebody wants you,
Somebody needs you,
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
That somebody can`t breathe,
without you it’s lonely,
That somebody hopes that someday you will see
That somebody’s me….

That somebody’s me…..

reminded of you!

Wherever I go, whatever I do reminds me of you. Of what we had. Of our happy moments. From cleaning the toilet to humming a hindi song, everything, every single thing reminds me of you. Of how things used to be…

We were so happy, there was much love. Who would have thought that we will get separated? Ever? Who will believe it, when I myself can’t believe it? How can I tell anyone what happened, when I myself m unable to figure out what actually happened or why this happened?

I miss you… I miss the way things used to be… I miss the way how I felt with you… And most of all, I miss US. 

and the countdown begins ...

It’s the beginning of another day. With lost hopes and broken dreams. I don’t know how long I have to take this. I don’t know how long m going to survive through this. Yes I told m done with us, yes I told m stepping aside, but all that coz this pain is just unbearable. Not because I have something else on my mind.

Even after giving up on you, where will I go? To whom will I go? It was you whom I loved from day one and it’s still you, it will always be you. You were the one with whom I shared my everything with. From the stupidest things to my darkest secrets. Who do I have to talk now? To whom do I ask all the questions I have in my heart? To whom do I complain? Who have time for me?

Things changed so much. I didn't even realize it. It was just too fast. I still can’t get the whole picture of this whole thing. I just get flashbacks. Of things I don’t want to think about, things I can`t forget.

You told you need time. So yeah you have one week left with you. 7 days, 168 hours, 10080 minutes, 604800 seconds. I hope you will make a decision, make your choice within this time. I will wait for your reply. It is hell hard to stay without bugging you every now and then… but I will wait, I will count everyday… 7 days. Your time starts now. 

so close, yet so far...

Seeing you, being so close to you, yet feeling so so distant from you… Knowing you are just next to me, yet unable to bug you here and there like I used to, unable to look at you, unable to hold you close to me, unable to hug you tight and cry my heart out. What should I do? Yes, for a few moments I thought I was getting you back… that you were coming back… But no, it was just what I felt… no less than a dream. It wasn't coming true.

Just because I keep smiling, I talk infront of others doesn’t show how I really feel inside. Feel like crying and bursting inside me, yet unable to cry. Feel like talking but having no words to describe how I feel. Feel like being happy, act normal but not knowing how to be anymore. Feel like sleeping but unable to close my eyes, just because that one scene keeps on repeating on my mind, it haunts me.

I don’t know. My head seems like it’s going to explode. M just tired. Too tired. Tired of this life. Tired of everything. Can`t I have you back, please? Why is this happening to me? Why me?? What bad did I do? What bad did I wish for anyone? What was my mistake to deserve this much pain? This pain is just unbearable.. :(

First night!

Yes it’s hard. It`s hell hard. Not to call you, taking up the phone everytime and stopping myself from texting you. Dialing your number and then realizing m no longer allowed doing so. Seeing our photos together and knowing that someone else took my place. I still can`t believe all this is happening.

We were doing all good, and now we aren’t together anymore. I can`t believe all this happened. That too in such a short time. Why can`t I have you, like I used to? Why can’t you be mine and only mine? Why can’t things be the way they were? Don’t I deserve another chance? :/

Stepping aside...

I don`t know how many times I asked you to stop doing this… How many times I begged not to be like this… How many tears I have cried not to do this… But it just doesn’t seem that my words matter to you at all, or I wonder whether they reach your ear even. You say you don’t know what’s happening, you say you don’t know how it happened, you say you don’t know how to explain this, you say it’s complicated. So I decided not to make it more complicated by bothering you every now and then.

I loved you more than myself, more than anyone else in this world. I trusted you with my everything. I trusted you so much. So damn much. But I can’t live like this. Being killed every second. Seeing you texting her infront of me without even noticing me around you… You won’t answer my calls, don’t text me every five minutes anymore, don’t call me just to say that you love me. Yes, if I got to pin point every single thing that has changed, there will be a lot of things… But I don’t want to. I wonder if you really don’t notice any of these things, or is it that you are just playing dumb?  And above all you won’t me to act like nothing happened?

I can’t! M sorry I can’t. So for the time being let me step aside from your life. It seems I have bothered you enough. Not anymore. Live your life the way you want to. When you are done with all this and one day you want to get back with me, leave everything and come find me. I will wait for you. But for the time being, m done.
Be good and take care of yourself. I love you. I will miss you…

A Third person?

For the past three to four days, things seemed a little messed up. You couldn’t talk to me properly, we didn’t talk much, didn’t viber much. Yes, there was some distance between us. But I have been thinking it might be coz of something I did, something I said, maybe you were too busy at work, or maybe you were just feeling down coz the day of your departure is fast approaching. But a third person? That too between us?

My god! I don’t know! I mean even all these days, even for a worst case, not in my dreams even I thought of a third person coming between us. I swear I still can’t believe what I saw. I mean was it really you? Was it really my pooh? Was it really my love, whom I trusted more than anyone else in this world? I, I don’t know. I just can’t seem to believe that. My heart isn’t ready to accept that. I mean if someone else betrayed me I would have believed it… But you?

You say you will never get anyone like me, you say no one was this good to you. You say that you love me so much that you will never give up on me… Then why now? Why? What did I do? What happened to all the good you saw in me? What happened to love you found in me? What happened to all that you saw in me for the first time? Did I lose it all? What did I do to lose it all? Did I do anything wrong? Did I look at someone or talked to someone other than you? Did I ever go somewhere without telling you, without getting your permission? Did I ever do something for which you said “NO”? Did I ever lie to you? Did I ever think of a third person even at the worst times? No, I didn`t! I never did.

What didn`t I do for you? What didn`t you get from me? First it was distance that came between us… You never believed in a long distance relationship, okay I came back. Left everything and came back, stayed here, settled here struggling with everything just to be with you. Second it was time, you felt that I never had time for you. That you were the least of my priorities, okay I stopped doing everything. I stopped going out with my friends and family. Went to you, met you every single minute I got. Played so many pranks, lied so many times just to be with you. For I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to lose US. I didn’t want to lose what we had. I did everything I could. Gave you my everything. 

Why? What was my mistake..? Where did I mess it up? I mean I know I always mess up everything.  But What did I do to deserve such a severe punishment? I don’t know. M going crazy even thinking of it. That one scene keeps on repeating in my mind. 

Please, please don’t do this to me. Yes with everyone saying to give up on you… I don’t want to… I can’t! Please,  I don’t want to lose what we have. I will eat on time, I will sleep before you every night, I won`t keep you on the phone for long, I won`t disturb you at work, I won`t talk that loud, I won`t shout even if you do stunts on me, I won`t make you watch hindi songs, I promise… But please can you just stop this? Can we be just you and me? Can things be the way they were… Please.

You are my world, my life, my everything. And you will remain the same. I can`t live without you, m sorry, I don’t want to! Please can I have my pooh back? The way he were. With the anger, the love, the stupidity, the craziness, the whole package? Please! The two of us ONLY! :/

Bad day!

At this time, with everything messed up, nothing going right, just wanted to let you know that I love you with all my heart and you mean the world to me. I don’t know what’s happening, or I don’t understand why things are messed up every now and then. All I know is whatever I do, even the little things I do upsets you, ruins your mood for the whole day.

If all this is happening coz of something I did, I wish to know what it is. I want to know what I did. Coz it’s hard to see you like that. It hurts to be like this. I just want us to be the way we were, the way we used to be… 

Happy six! ♡

Exactly six months ago, one hundred and eighty days ago, this day was supposed to be another normal day. But no, that was the day my whole life changed, for you happened. Since that day almost nothing in my life remains the same anymore. You were this angel I always prayed for, the perfect companion I always wished for. Yeah you are a living proof that wishes really do come true.

I don’t know what you saw in me, which no one else saw. All I know is what you do for me, the way you make me feel, the things you always wish for me, I never got any of those. Yeah no one gave me that. You loved me for who I am. Knowing how emotional I can be, seeing me at my worst, you still love me more.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for these amazing days. I wish to grow old with you! I love you!
And yeah happy six months pooh! (: <3